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Tales of the Valiant: The Death of My Minmax Power Trip – A Totally Objective Review by Someone Who's Definitely Not Mad
Rating: 1/5 Stars (because my Crossbow Expert build doesn’t make me feel like God anymore)
I came into Tales of the Valiant hoping for balance, polish, innovation, and clean design. Instead, I was horrified to discover that Kobold Press had committed the unforgivable sin of… not letting martials stack six feats and delete bosses in one turn.
What happened to real design?! Like in 5E 2014, where:
Fighters got Extra Attack and some feats and said, "I do damage now."
Paladins could nova smite like they were power-tripping anime protagonists.
Monks only did one thing well (stunning things), but boy was that one trick FUN until it failed!
But Tales of the Valiant? Nah, these monsters thought:
> “What if we limited Smite? What if we gave martials more than just damage boosts? What if we asked you to actually think in combat?”
Disgusting.
Worst of all? They gave casters more tools. Like one new mechanic that lets them check HP as a bonus action (gross! You want me to use that tactically?!) and some streamlined spell language. HOW DARE THEY.
Even more egregious, Kobold Press had the audacity to:
Introduce a universal Luck Points mechanic (ugh, more tracking? I already have to remember how many dice I rolled.)
Design classes with internal synergy instead of relying on broken feats to do the heavy lifting
Attempt to create a balanced 5E-adjacent system that doesn't exist solely to feed my need for feeling superior via math exploits
The betrayal is real. No GWM? No Sharpshooter cheese? No Paladin nuke builds that ignore encounter pacing? Why even live.
And don’t get me started on monks. You took away my ability to roll four Stunning Strikes per round? HOW WILL I FEEL IMPORTANT NOW?
Conclusion:
Tales of the Valiant is a disaster if you define “balanced gameplay” as “I want to abuse mechanics and feel like a god while the wizard rewrites reality and the bard seduces the dragon.” If you’re one of those players who likes thoughtful class design, meaningful decisions, and a game where everyone contributes, then sure—maybe this is for you.
But as someone whose entire sense of fun is built on feat stacking and power spikes, this game is a tragedy.
0/10. Would rather play 5E with 12 house rules and cry when the monk can’t land a single stun.
Final Verdict:
ToV didn’t kill balance—it killed my toxic relationship with 5E mechanics.
And I’ll never forgive them.
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