I have to say that I'm really not a fan of the "roleplay games turned into Manga" genre. While it's something that may work well for innately comic-genre games like Exalted or BESM, outside that, it's not something I really understand, and even inside that it's usually not something I'd buy.

Having said that, I really liked a lot of the illustrations in this and it had some very strong moments.

I think the speech/thought/narration bubbles and some typeface need some work as they do tend to make it look a little unprofessional.

Although I don't really feel it captures the atmosphere of 'The Everlasting' in any way, I don't doubt that a lot of people will find this kind of thing very appealing. It's snappy, it moves nice and quickly, and it doesn't try and tie everything up right there and then.