The Good
It's nice to sea a sea adventure. [Geddit? Becase sea sounds like...ok never mind.] Sahuagin are under-represented as foes, so it's good to see those too.
The Bad
The adventure is simply laid out in something close to AL format, though there are some egregious editing errors such as sentences vanishing halfway through, and strangely errant text boxes. The important information is scattered (I had to CTRL-F to find the big bad villains creature type, some ten pages after he was introduced). The aesthetic is bare. This made it hard to focus on anything important like encounter difficulty etc.
Overall, there's the skeleton of something good here, but simply put, this needs a lot of work.
*To the author - don't give up hope! I'd say give it another pass, let me know when you're done, and I'll happily reassess.
Edit in reply to author:
Sure, let me be more specific. An editing process includes but is not limited to moving, changing and correcting material to make it more fit for service. Your layout has quite a few flaws, including warped font for the early headers, lack of a cover page, lack of dmsguild copyright and legal information, vast swathes of blank space and so on. More subjectively, I found the layout of text boxes adjacent to text made it difficult to read, as did the variance in line spacing. These are all things that a decent editing pass would have fixed. It's also worth noting that a dramatis personae usually falls at the start of a document, for the precise reason that it makes it much easier on a reader not to scroll back up constantly thinking they missed something. Putting it at the start (once again) is the kind of thing an editing pass would have highlighted.
|