(EDITED after further reading)
This book is amazing! Lots of flavorful additions, interesting rules, and I love traps and curses!... but there're two things that bother me. It has it's fair share of grammar and poor wording, especially in the subclasses, and it has a strange a lack of flavor for a book of it's kind, with the descriptive text and the presentation of the titular Balasar (though the classes boast a variety of interesting lore and are very well thought out narratively). For the former, I've created a little perusal of the first couple of subclasses and my callouts for grammar/spelling/poor-wording.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1rjYS2pf7r8C3uXZwMPpBGeovjSmEaFREH15VMYGC-VU/edit?usp=sharing here's the thing for that.
As for the secondary issue, I think it's just a lack of art (which I know is hard to get/make, and this is a free supplement so I understand) but also the fact that Balasar isn't well established as a character. He seems to be a blander version of Volo in my opinion, I will not tell you how to write your character, but I think Balasar should be given more dialogue, more flavor to what he says, and depth and meaning to his quips. I would happily buy this as a full supplement, for an actual full price, if it had;
- Further editing, particularly in spelling, grammar, and wording.
- A bit more flavor, maybe some art if you can get it (public domain has a lot of good stuff, so does DMsguild for free use!) and more stuff about Balasar!
- It's own look, it just feels like a bland homebrewery PDF, it should have a bit of flavor with it's page color, maybe even it's font! Just an idea.
I won't pretend that I can critique your classes, I ain't THAT smart about DnD, but they look really cool though!
The half races definitely look interesting, if a bit abusable. And the subclasses generally look well-made, well balanced, and very fun to play.
Hopefully a version 2 of this comes out eventually, with fixed wording issues, art, it's own product dressing, a bit more flavor from the narrator, and perhaps at a premium (5 - 10 bucks) price, so I can support it further. Once I get the money, I'll definitely be dropping a few bucks on this, since it's such a steal at it's current name-your-price. I know I've been critical, but overall, I really like this and it's a BOATLOAD of great content. Great job!
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