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DERP Squad - The Ash Phoenix & The Hand of Ack

DERP Squad - The Ash Phoenix & The Hand of Ack



Don't forget the strongly recommended DERP Squad MAP PACK!
With 25 full color maps to accompany the DERP Squad adventure!

DERP Squad is an adventure for characters starting at level 4 and progressing through 13. This tongue-in-cheek yet mayhem-packed campaign module will have characters traveling across the unique world of Elmoril in an effort to save the planet! Exciting settings and a rapid pace will keep your players engaged and excited for 20 to 30 sessions (depending on length of session and productivity, etc., of course).

SPOILERS: Players will seek out the cure to a nefarious curse only to expose a much larger plot to conquer the world, and launch on a series of quests to assemble a powerful artifact and stop the apocalypse!



DERP Squad: The Ash Phoenix & The Hand of Ack is a unique world in the D&D Fifth Edition setting. Players create characters who are members of a special unit of the capital city’s guard: DERP Squad. This tongue-in-cheek – yet epic – adventure is a campaign of combat, investigation, intrigue, and unbridled mayhem.

Characters start out at 4th level with a rank of Private Independent Guards (PIGs) and progress through chapters, gaining a level (and DERP Squad rank) at the end of each chapter. Character creation suggestions/guidelines. Elmoril is a fairly high magic world. Fantastical creatures mix regularly. With DM approval, all officially published races and classes are allowed. As for character characteristics, remember that ey they are members of the DERP Squad. Far more than a rank-and-file guardsman, but still subject to some sense of law and order. Any Neutral to Good alignment is welcome. The character must wear some trappings of the Guard’s uniform while on duty - anything from a subtle pink-and-white badge to the full regalia of a Presentation Guard.

It must make sense for the character to be a member of the DERP Squad. Loners can be contracted for “wilderness” work, etc., but everyone needs to be part of the team.

The characters start out at level 4 and with a total of 800GP (a sizable stipend from the DERP Squad budget!) with which to buy equipment. Characters are free to negotiate with each other if they want something out of their price range.

While all gods in the D&D pantheons are available for various classes’ abilities and ceremony, our story takes place in a realm where Ack is the Great Creator god.

World Notes: High Elves tend to be the ruling class in Three River City: guildmasters, politicians, community leaders etc. due to their long lifespan and accumulated wisdom of remembering old wars and tragedies. Upper class Houses of other races are well tolerated but looked upon with a slight bemusement and humor. Races in Bashille are quite varied, with about two thirds of the population being human. The rest is a mix of every other 5e published race, to varying degrees of rarity.

Outside of cities the world is still wild. And dangerous. Outside the country, even moreso. It is best to not travel alone, though the Bashille army is constantly making moves against the bestial nefarious races that inhabit the wildernesses.

Campaign Notes: The beginning chapters of the campaign are linear and spelled out to follow. Once players siege Zatuil’s (the mid-level bad guy’s) lair, the campaign opens up into a semi-sandbox adventure to find the Five Fingers of Ack. It may be good to explain to players that the beginning is a bit on rails, but that it opens up later on.

Leveling up is quick and based solely on milestones. Characters gain a level (and a DERP Guard rank promotion) at the end of each chapter.

Strongly consider the optional rule that quaffing a potion can be a bonus action.


The world of Elmoril is a warm ball of rock in a cold space. Nestled precariously between two red suns, Solmiril and Solvina, its blazing color-shot sunrises and sunsets last hours while its brightest daytime and nighttime are comparatively brief. Around Elmoril’s northern hemisphere silently circle three moons. Ackoril, the largest and brightest, is an oval thought to be the egg of the great god Ack who will return one day with great blessings. Bathazoril, the Red Shard, is said to be a remnant of the Great Balance of Ack. And Choroporil, the obsidian moon, is rumored in dark corners to be Ack’s bile, waiting to be unleashed on the world should it fall to evil.

The northern hemisphere of Elmoril is temperate and lush, spotted with small oceans and dense forests, great fields and various interesting canyons and mountains, for those brave enough to travel it. The southern hemisphere on the other hand, bears the brunt of the brighter sun, and is mostly a scorched desert. Nobody visits the southern hemisphere.

In Elmoril there is a country called Bashille. In the wide queendom of Bashille is a prosperous city at the confluence of three mighty rivers; conveniently called Three River City. It is there where the Glimmer Citadel rests, rising high over the surrounding countryside and, well, glimmering –its bright pink and pearl iridescent stone reflecting the light of the suns.
It is within the City of Three River that we find ourselves. For a few human generations, Bashille has been at peace, though there are always rumblings from the neighboring nations and wildlands. Many attribute this period of prosperity to the tireless work of the Queen, Aelifern the Sagacious. Her peace accords and treaties with Bashille’s neighbors, coupled with wise governance within her own lands, have seen Bashille prosper.

But not all is well within the Glimmer Citadel this day. For Aelifern has taken ill. But I get ahead of myself. You have just learned of this fact early this morning, as a messenger page has brought a short scroll to you, personally, begging (demanding) your presence at the Captain of the Guard’s offices. Guards typically only see the Captain when they’re in trouble.

You’re reasonably sure you haven’t done anything naughty...recently.

But you are no rank-and-file guardsman. You are afforded some measure of civility and rank as a member of the possibly secretive, definitely elite, Division of Eccentric Royal Peculiars Squad. And when DERP has reason to call upon your services, you know it best to answer...quickly.

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File Last Updated:
January 12, 2021
This title was added to our catalog on January 04, 2021.
Carl Huber