Positives: I think this is a great side-quest, and I intend to use it at some point. The vampire abilities are pretty neat and quite unique.
Negatives: Some of the language is very modern , but that's easily rectified by the GM.
Overall: 5/5. The negatives do not detract enough from the plotline to make this a cool, well thought out and nicely presented story-arc.
[5 of 5 Stars!]