I did a quick read through and liked it in general. The only weakness as a storyline in it was there were few built in places for a logical sidetrack. Most player groups have a natural bent for deviating from the storyline to a greater or lesser degree. So while the story arc was basically good and sound, there were limited opportunities for players to deviate from the script. Overall though, it would actually be a very decent introductory adventure for an experienced GM with more novice players who haven't evolved the "lets deviate NOW!" mentality.
[4 of 5 Stars!]